He that will not sail till all dangers are over must never put to sea. ~Thomas Fuller
Monday, December 14th, 2009It’s almost creepy how fast semesters fly by as a working, online student. I remember this time last year, I was applying to get into the Library Science graduate program and thinking how very long it would take to get done. It seems as though I blinked my eyes, and I’m half way through my master’s degree. In another year I will have completed two short internships and be working on my final portfolio – a nearly certified school librarian.
These nostalgic meanderings are obviously due to the fact that it feels good to be done with another semester, but also because I just learned that there will be some librarian positions opening up in my school district next year. Half the people in my program are already working as a librarian while finishing up their degree; there just aren’t that many of us. This is both exciting and terrifying. I could do this. I could apply for a library gig.
Change is wonderful… and necessary… exhilarating… and scary as hell. When I started this program I had visions of a life without freshman essays to grade, paper spit wads to clean off my desk, and five hour parent teacher conferences to smile through. The library seemed like a dream: books to order and read, kids to help with research, and did I mention no freshman essays to grade? It does sound awesome, so why am I coming up with every reason in the book not to apply? Seriously, Sarah’s subconscious, not having lunch with your English department is not a valid reason!
I guess change is scary even for an old pro, like me. Sure, I moved a thousand miles away from my family and didn’t think twice about changing cities a few times. It’s been fun, but there was always one constant: I was always a teacher. Teaching To Kill a Mockingbird never changed with my zip codes. I have to admit, I love the terrified look on people’s faces when I tell them I teach high school English. It gives me street cred. And I’m good at it. I mean, I’m no teacher of the year, but I’m good and comfortable. I suppose that’s the center of this conflict: comfort. How many of us put off dreams, shoot down ideas, stay right where we are because it’s comfortable? It may be draining and mind-numbing, but it’s comfortable. Walking into my classroom every day, I know what trials I will face, but they are familiar trials – trials I know I can win.
What if I change jobs and I’m just no good at it? What if I stink? What if the unknown (however free of freshman essays it may be) is worse than my current obstacles and stressors? I suppose there is only one way to find out. Here goes noth’en.
